Pumping, beating, pulsating, thriving. Rhythmic sounds, predictable movements, steady flow in and out. The difference between life and death- a heartbeat. I’m staring at it; gloves partially bloody, hands slightly shaky, mind racing. The ten ounce organ moves regularly up and down as blood rushes from the Superior Vena Cava out to the lungs, back in through the Pulmonary veins and finally out of the Aorta to the body. In my eyes, the most vital organ is the heart; needed for oxygen, nutrients, and life.
Headband covering my hair, blue sterile cloak over my sky blue scrubs, scalpel in my right hand. I stand over the anonymous body contemplating how I will make the incision. As my hand descends towards the heart, I stop.
Adrenaline rush, stiff body, eyes wide open. Jolting upwards, breathing heavily, sigh of relief. I shake my head slowly, let out a deep breath, and realize I’m not a cardiac surgeon. Having sorted that out, my mind once again begins to rest.
Semi-bright lights, computer screens, and neurotransmitters surround me as I stand in the operating room. Scalp open, CSF visible, brain throbbing. The master operator of the whole body system lies in front of me-sending messages in the form of neuron synapses. The temporal, frontal, parietal, and occipital lobes work together with the cerebellum and spinal cord to transmit electrical signals to nerves throughout the body. The brain supplies function to the body. Scarily, its fate is in my hands. A tumor sets upon the frontal lobe and I am the ultimate decision maker on how to remove it. I examine the MRI images and suddenly I stop thinking.
Adrenaline rush, stiff body, eyes wide open. Constricted breathing, sweaty palms, head spinning. Abruptly I sit up and begin to digest what I just experienced. Last I can remember, I am not certified to be a neurosurgeon. Although the idea is intriguing, I am grateful the situation I was in was not real. This is not my dream.
As I fall back asleep I begin to dream about what I hope can one day be my reality.
Antibiotics, antivirals, various treatments. Researching, testing, analyzing. Creating a cure for allergies, HIV, and even cancer. Being involved in a pharmaceutical phenomenon. As my mind is enthralled at the endless possibilities, I do not awake in a panic. Instead, my heart and my brain work together, allowing me to dream, fueling my passion.
Long hours, tedious work, effective results. My mind wanders with the countless opportunities. Confident with the present, not intimidated by the future. This is my dream.
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